Don't Drink the Water
by harlene quinselle
Summary: The X-Men depart for Mexico City on a lead on Mr.S


Due to my lack of creativity, I will now take Indigo's example 'Montezuma's Revenge' for the challenge of: _**Extraordinary People in Ordinary Situations!**_ Did you hear the guy with the big booming, echoey voice? You didn't? Well, I never! Anywayz, again with the disclaimer crap (you all love this don't you?) All characters belong to Marvel....blah,blah,blah...I'm making no money off of this nor do I intend to....blah,blah,blah....I am not challenging Marvel's rights over their characters by writing this...blah,blah,blah...this is for entertainment only. BLAH,BLAH,BLAH! Also, so as not to offend anyone, this is not my personal view on Mexico City. It's all just COMEDY!!!   
  
  
  


"Mexico City?! Why we need t' go dere?" 

"Because Storm and the Professor decided we needed a big change in scenery. All this fresh air and tasty food isn't good for us. So, they decide to send us to Mexico City, where we're sure to make up for the loss." said Bobby in his best 'Joan Ward' tone. 

Fury entered the room. (I decided to use her :P She belongs to me, by the way) She put her arms around each of their shoulders. "Did either of you notice that it's only a select few of us that are going and I know two people who aren't. Actually three." 

"An' who might dat be?" 

"Well," she flashed a brilliant smile, "Storm, the Professor, and, of course, moi!" 

"Uh, Fury, I wouldn't be too sure. Go check the roster." 

"What roster?" 

"The one in the hall that says 'Joyful trip to stinky town' people." 

"City." she corrected him as she left the room. Immediately a strew of curses echoed down the hall. She came back into the rec room. 

"Poor thing. Didn't make the list. Tsk Tsk." 

"Shut up Drake before I get really angry. Ice is only solid water. And electricity doesn't mix well with that..." 

"Ah'll right. What's the big idea?" Rogue flew into the room. "Why'm I goin on this big ole' goose chase anyhow?" 

"I'll tell you all why you're here as soon as you all get here." Cyclops came into the room already in uniform. 

A very steaming Wolverine entered the room moments later. "As you all know, the reason we're departing for Mexico tonight.." 

"TONIGHT?" they all yelled in unison.   
  


"Jinx!" bobby punched Fury in the arm. "You owe me a joke and a coke!"   
  


She punched him in the arm fiercely. "How was that?"   
  


"AHEM. Wolverine, we need your tracking skills to help find any hints of Sinister's whereabouts. Gambit, we need you're thievery skills to get near him. Rogue, we need you and your ability to fly to search the grounds if we do indeed find him. Fury, you can travel through anything electrical to gather information." 

"What about popsicle here?" 

"Yeah, what about me." 

"Ooh, me. Me! Let me tell him!!!!" 

"Alright, Fury." 

"Drake, it's the toughest job you'll ever face." she paused and bit her bottom lip and then continued. "You, my friend, are the air conditioning." 

"I'm your friend?" 

"You suck, Drake!" 

"At least I don't swallow!" 

"Merde, both you, shut up befo' I shut you up!" 

"He started it!" 

"Did not!" 

"Did too!" 

"SHUT UP!" 

Fury glared at Robert. Robert glared at Fury. Neither one said a word.   
  
  
  
  
  


**The Flight**   
  


"EEEW! Who let one?" 

"Whoever smelt it dealt it!" 

"Whoever said the rhyme did the crime!" 

"Ah, swear. Those two are jus' like two children. Are you sure it was wise to put them both back there t'gether, Wolverine?" 

"Keeps 'em out 'o my hair." 

"Maybe, but it's givin' Gambit a headache de size o' Mardi gras." 

"Fury's looking at me!!!!" 

"No I'm not!" 

"Yes you are!" 

Three claws popped out of Wolverine's fist. "Shaddup b'fore I gut both o' ya!" 

Fury glared at Robert. Robert glared at Fury. Neither one said a word.   
  
  
  


**Mexico City!!!**   
  


After finding a suitable place to land the Blackbird (Confidential information!) Cyclops handed out the aliases. "Alright, chere. We are de beaux and belle Jack and Marie Lancione, newlyweds honeymoonin' from Pari!" (Actually Paris, but I wanted the accent in there) 

"Ah, don' know Gambit, somehow, I don' think we'd give up Paris fo' this." 

"Conrad Cox? Cyke, is this the best you could do? Or the worst? What am I... I'm a Proctologist am I?! Well, Scott, it's time for your appointment!" SNIKT. 

"These weren't... my...concoctions.... they were, uh, random computer shots. Yeah, that's it." 

"They better be. But just out of curiosity, what's your alias, Summers?" 

"Uh, here, Bobby can have mine!" 

"No way, Summers, you dug your own grave this time." 

Fury snatched it from Cyclops' hand and looked it over. "Too bad for you, snowball. Says here you would have been 'Bill Gates. Multi Billionaire computer tycoon..." Fury began. 

"Give me that!" Robert snatched it away. "Unh-uh. It says 'Keith Sands: multi-millionaire oil driller?' Aw, CRAP! What'd I get? Calvin Williams: owner of the Blue Goose- the most prosperous whore house in all L.A.? WHAT? Someone have a brain cramp, Summers?" 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Fury crumpled up the paper and stamped on it. Then she fried it. With a cheerful smile she looked into their shocked faces, "Now that that's settled, who can I be now?" 

Cyclops looked solemn. "Fury, you have to be her." 

"Who?" asked Bobby. 

"Cocoa Bunny Williams, your wife and star attraction." 

Gambit tried to keep his mouth shut, Rogue hid her smile in her hand. 

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" the laughter roared from Wolverine like the fire from a cannon. 

"You think that's funny?" 

"Considering that you couldn't get a job at a _crappy_ whore house?" 

"SHUT UP DRAKE! And you too hairball before I give _you_ a lesson in proctology!" 

"Settle down! All of you. That's an order." Cyclops bellowed. 

Fury glared at Robert. Robert glared at Fury. Neither one said a word.   
  
  
  
  
  


**Day on the Town**   
  


They all separated, planning to meet at their rented 'suites' in a 'hotel' at 5. It's now 2:30. Oh, how will they ever survive.......   
  


"STOP IT!....COCOA!" 

"I'm not doing anything.... CALVIN!" 

"Stop stepping on the back of my shoes before I..." 

"Before you what? Fire me? HAH! This stupid hat!" Fury was wearing a big gardening hat to cover up her blue hair. "AAAAHHGGH!" The contacts she'd been given to hide her silver eyes were itching and burning like crazy. "It itches and burns like crazy!!" 

"Feminine problem, Fury?" 

"Why you little....!" The only thing that saved Iceman was a young boy that collided with Fury as she was ready to pounce. "WOULGNH!" The kid attempted to run away but Fury grabbed his ankle. "Hey squirt, what's the rush?" 

"please! Let me go before he catches me!" (All you mashed-potatoes-for-brains-people out there this is translated from Spanish because me Spanish es muy malo is very bad so I use these to translate what I don't know :D) 

"ACK! HIM!" The child pointed behind her. Fury turned around to face a handsome man, in his mid thirties with Jet Black hair and a beautiful smile. (But seeing as she has Sam sitting on his little rump waiting for her at home....) 

"What do you want, besides my phone number?" she flashed him a gorgeous smile. 

"Just the money this ragamuffin stole from me." The words dripped off of his tongue like melted butter. (I LOVE that line!:D) 

"Hand it over kid. I haven't got all day!" she whispered in his ear. The kid reluctantly handed over a wallet but dropped it on the ground before it reached her hand. Faster than anyone could see, she removed his hotel card and handed it to him. "Is this...all?" She winked at him. 

"Maybe, maybe not. You see, I'm looking for a friend, his name is Sebastian Shaw. Would you have happened to see him?" 

"Who cares about his name. What's yours?" 

He smiled at the young girl. "My name's Nathaniel Essex. And you?" 

"COCOA BUNNY WILLIAMS!" The words screeched through the air and Fury cringed. "Where you been, honey? We're not here to dawdle! We need to find more recruits for your show!" 

"Are you in show business?" inquired the man. 

"She's my star ho and loving wife!" bobby pinched her cheek. 

"Um, I'll see you around!" Fury called to Nathaniel as he left. "What the hell do you think you were doing you asshole?" 

"Since were on the swearing rampage again, saving your ass that's what. Wait till we tell Scott!" 

"I hate you!" 

"I hate you more!" 

"Shut the hell up!" 

Fury glaredat bobby. Bobby glared at Fury. Neither one said a word.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**The Story Continues!!!** (like I said, lack of creativity!)   
  


"I want a divorce!" roared Fury. 

"C'mon, honey, I know it was good for you too...." 

"Of all the impudent, despicable, nincompoops on the planet, I get stuck with this one! Why? WHY?! I am this close to killing him, this close to strewing his remains across this place, and this close to frying _you_!" she screamed at Scott. 

"Ignore, her Scott. We found Sinister! Sort of." 

"What do you mean 'sort of'" 

"Some little kid stole his wallet and Fury here gave it back." 

Fury stuck her tongue out at Robert. 

"Did you see what was inside of it?" 

"Maybe..." she alluded, knowing she had the upper hand in the situation. 

"WHERE?" 

"I'll tell you...if....." 

"If what?" 

"Drake and I get a divorce." 

"Ok." 

"YESSSSSSS!" 

"Jinx!" Fury punched Robert in the arm. 

"Where is he?" 

" 'Hotel suite' #3, 5 doors down." 

"How'd you know that? I didn't see you look through his wallet!" 

"I didn't, fag. All it takes is a little wisdom from one of the greatest thieves in existence!" she provided the card out of thin air between her index and middle fingers, waving it in Boby's face. 

"I'm not a fag." 

"Queer." 

"I'm no queer!" 

"Brownie hound!" 

"Nope." 

"Turd Burglar!" 

"Nope" 

"Fudge Packer!" 

"So far off!" 

"Bum looker!" 

"Maybe at Psylocke once or twice..." 

"ENOUGH!" roared Logan. "I've had enough of you two. All you do is bitch, bitch, bitch, moan, moan, moan. Now you're gonna sit down, shaddup, and follow orders! Un'erstand?" 

"Yes, sir." 

"Ok, ass man!" 

"Why you little..." Wolverine lunged for Bobby's throat. 

"Now hold on, Wolvie!" Rogue jumped between the two. "Look at you three. Behavin' like kids! I want y'all to sit down and think about your behavior and write down three things nice about each of ya." She handed each of them a pencil and paper. 

Wolverine muttered some bad words under his breath and got to writing. 

Fury glared at Robert. Robert glared at Fury. Neither one said a word. 

"An' stop that damn glarin'!"   
  
  
  
  
  


**DUM, DA, DUM, DUM, DUM!!!!**   
  


"Fury, Ah don' think 'he knows me' qualifies as a good attribute for Bobby- especially when it's written down three times. An' Bobby, 'she's the star attraction at my club' don' pass either." 

"Forget it Rogue. We got ta' move!" 

Fury stuck her tongue out at Bobby. Bobby stuck his tongue out at her. SNIKT went Wolverine's claws. Both were on best behavior.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**THE DISCOVERY!!!** (Do you really want to know?)   
  


"Rogue, do you see anything?" 

"No sir!" 

"Wolverine, any passerby?" 

"No, but somethin smells like...." 

"Ok, Gambit, now go do the voodoo that you do.. So well. I always wanted to say that!" 

"Psst. Fury- do you think he drank the water?" 

"Shut up, Drake. He's always been a moron and you've been under his leadership longer than I have! Besides, the water doesn't affect your mind, it... here, taste some." She handed him a canteen. 

"Hmm, good. Hint of lemon, splash of tea.... hey, this is Iced Tea!!" 

"DUH! It has the water in it, twip!" 

"Oh. Ok. That makes everything alright then." 

"That's what you think!" 

"Door's open, mon ami's!" 

'Ok, people, let's go in, quickly and quietly we mustn't...." 

"Aww, man, it smells like shit in here!" whined Bobby. 

"I told you!" growled Wolverine. 

"Nasty!!!!!" 

"Dis smell worse dan Wolverine's BO!" 

"And Bobby's!" 

"Hey!" 

A strange rumble cut through the air followed by a SCHTTTTTTTTT! Sound. 

"Now it smells like... shit covered with flowers!" 

"Wait, there's a door! And there's a light on in there!" 

"Scott, that's the bathroom. Remember, these cabins are built the same?" 

"Still, it may be his evil hideout! Fury, go do your electric thingamajig and find out." 

"Me? Why do I need to do it?" 

"Because I said so that's why!" 

"But it may be his evil hideout" she mimicked. "Something sure smells evil in there!" she whispered harshly to the others over her shoulder. 

Fury disappeared and came back out with in seconds. "Oh, my Lord! You do not want to go in there!" The rumbling resumed followed by the SCHTTTTTTTTT again. 

"Well, is he in there?" 

"Yes, but.." 

"That's all I need to know then, thank you Fury." 

"But..." 

Cyclops ignore her. "OK, Gambit, blow down the door." 

"Uh, Cyclops?" 

"Not now Fury." 

"CYCLOPS!" 

"NOT NOW! GAMBIT DO IT!" 

Fury disappeared. 

"Where'd she go?" 

"Who cares." shrugged Bobby. 

Gambit kinetically charged three cards, turning them explosive. As soon as they made contact with the door, the cabin blew up. 

"AAAAAAAGGGHHHHOOOOOF!" Fury watched in silent amusement as Cyclops hit a tree. Wolverine helped Bobby limp away from the remains of the cabin. Rogue held a very unconcious Gambit. 

Fury glared at Cyclops. Cyclops was unconscious. Neither one said a word.   
  
  
  
  
  


**HOME!!!!**   
  


"Finally, we're heading home to showers, air conditioning, and cable TV!" Fury relaxed in her chair. "Where's snow ball?" 

Suddenly a low rumbling pierced the air followed by a SCHTTTTTTTTT sound. A distinct odor crept down the aisle reaching every passenger. Fury's covered nose wrinkled under her shirt. "Oh, GOD! Somebody needs to show his ass shut!"   
  
  


**THE END!**

  
  


(Note: That final line was from Down Periscope!) 

(One final note, as stated at the disclaimer, I do not believe Mexico City to be like this. I only did it for humor, not insults, so if you're insulted, you can't take a joke and CAN BITE ME!!!) 


End file.
